Those little things.

Have you ever counted how many little things that you pay no mind to everyday? The littlest things can mean so much and a lot of the time we just let them pass by. If you really just stop and look at life, you will see all these things, all these things that matter so much and make the greatest difference. Pay more attention and take in those small things because one day they will mean everything, one day they will become the biggest things.

I'm thankful.

Since I was a little girl I would always say “I’m thankful for my family” and this phrase has never been so real for me this year. After the things I [we] have had to endure, our family will never be the same. This is the first year that my family of five [and my lovely boyfriend] gathered at our OWN table in MY house. This was crazy for me!?! Since I can remember I have spent my entire thanksgiving day going from one grandparents house to another. At this time of any other year, I would barely be able to walk and sitting on my granny’s couch [don’t get me wrong, sitting on my couch with a blanket and watching Chris play the xbox isnt the worst thing] but its not the normal for me. Its something I never thought would happen. But that faces me to the reality of life, change. My family has went through tough things here lately and maybe things didn’t go back to normal [which is a good thing in most ways] but I have something to call family wether we are together under the same roof or not. Some people don’t even get that. I’m thankful for my family wether they realize it now or not, im also thankful that I sleep in my bed again at night and I am not in my household again. I have never been more thankful for something in my life. It took me having to go through pain and tears but the reality is..it showed me how truly blessed I am.

My friends, where would I be without my friends? When it comes to them.. i’m thankful for.. Allyson. The fact that she is the only one who I have not had conflict with that tore us apart. All of our traditions that mean so much to me. That no matter what she is here to listen and to say something that is so true and really be here for me. The great times I get to have with her family, especially her mother. How she is different from the normal teenager who is boy crazy.. she would rather not deal with stupid people and stupid things. She is never afraid to speak her opinion when most people wouldn’t dare to ever think some things. Jessica. The way we can understand each other. The way that we have been through so many similar things and been there every step of the way. The way she is also here for me no matter what. We have been through a lot but always seem to come out of it together. The way that she makes an impact in my everyday life and how I would be lost if she wasn’t there anymore. Brandi. The fact that she has gone from a girl in middle school who I didn’t care much for to a girl who means the world to me. I love how I get to share cheerleading with her. The way her house smells and is decorated. The fact that I have had many special nights with people in her house. How her mom buys me Wendy’s. How she sleeps in so late and I always wake her up. How she has always been here for me as well. It’s the little things in life that mean so much to me. With these three girls the littlest things have become the biggest to me. The reason I would get through most days. Then little things like.. Andrew and Sean in first period and the way that they actually seem to care about me, my Teacher Cadet class and the way we are all getting close, my conversations with Lindsey and how she truly helps me and was my go to girl for all my family stuff, my cheerleading team that I coach at Cape Fear...those girls honestly have become my passion and I enjoy every second with the, the teachers who have had the greatest influence on me, my youth pastor and the wise things he says, the way that Trevor always listens to me complain and will tell me something so bluntly..and all the other little things that have become my everything.

Christopher Joesph Craven is another person that I have so many reasons to be thankful for. Someone who has been here since the first day he met me. To listen to me complain, laugh with me, and cry with me. He has been here to forgive me and understand me. To push me through everyday and to never let me down. He has made mistakes, yes. But mistakes that he is truly sorry for. He lifts me up when im down and catches me when I fall. He has become my best friend not just my boyfriend. He has become apart of me in the short sixth months that he has been here. Wherever we stand in the future.. I know one thing for sure..we will stand together.. dating or not I know Chris will always be here for me and for him, I am very thankful.

I pass this guy in my everyday life, I say hello and I smile. I may even ask how his day is and what his plans are for the weekend. He has sat with me in church once and since then he will speak to me everyday. He texted me tonight saying, “Your the only nice person in Trask”. What does that say about people and the way they treat others? What does that say about our school? At this moment.. it all hit me. Everything that I have to be thankful for. I am thankful that I have been gifted with this life where I have everything that a girl needs to get through it. Where I have dreams and goals. Where I have people who love me and people who hate me. That I have compassion and I care about everyone which is the reason I had an effect on this boy. I have a life. A life, just that is worth being thankful for.

More importantly then anything on this blog, I have a God who loves me. A God of second chance. The father who put me here and has given me life. No matter how many times I mess up, he will be here. He loves us all and that, that is everything in this world that I need to be thankful for because without my God, I would be nothing and I wouldn’t have any of the things I listed above.. I would truly be nothing.

...and for all of this, I am thankful.

The will to keep going.

I have always been one of those girls to analyze everything. I’m that girl that sits down with a pro and con list and makes decisions. But when I really step back and look at everything..a pro and con list is not going to do much for me. My life has changed dramatically over the past month and nothing could have told me that, no list would help. I decided it was time just to enjoy life. Not to worry about the outcomes or anything. And where did that get me? You don’t wanna know. So after all of this talking in my head and trying to figure out life.. I decided on one thing... “When you're down to nothing, God is up to something. The faithful see the invisible, believe the incredible and then receive the impossible.” My opinion is God shows you bad to teach you good. He is in my heart and no matter what happens I know he is here. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” When the tears begin to fall down my face, I say that to myself. I say that because I believe it and I believe it with passion. I have had some crappy things happen to me with family and relationships but in time..it has all been fixed and the new occurrences will be too. When your having that day when the world seems to be falling apart, say this to yourself.. know that everything is going to be okay, you have him walking beside you. I have had to deal with a lot of trust issues lately. Wether it be with myself or someone else. We all have a hard time trusting things, for many reasons. And when you begin to shut everything out because of these issues remember that “I trust life not because I trust the world, but because I trust the God who lives in my heart.” That’s what every person needs to live by. That is your answer to all of the trust issues you may have. Nothing or nobody is going to be perfect. Life is going to be amazing one week and crappy the next. Your going to gain wonderful people and then lose some. Your going to have to make difficult decisions and the chances of the outcomes being horrible are likely. But remember there is a plan. Whats hurting you today may not be hurting you tomorrow. Make decisions remembering those three quotes. “What you are today is because of the decisions you made yesterday.”

Deciding the Undecidable...

Have you ever notice life is full of decisions? They are everywhere. All the way from what you’re going to eat for lunch to what you want your profession to be someday. There is hardly anything you can do in life without making a decision about it. I have come to some of the hardest decisions to make and I have decided that no way you take will come out perfect. The only thing that matters is whatever you do; you enjoy it and put all of your heart into it. Take a deep breath and just walk. Wherever you end up in the end is where you’re supposed to be. Notice those leaves falling and the laughter in the halls…Notice every little detail. Don’t be worried about what tomorrow will bring, enjoy today. I did that last week, I enjoyed every day and now I have a whole lot of memories that will always be amazing. We often spend too much time worrying about the whole day that when you get to the end of it and you have time to think…you realize how quick it went. If you keep on that road, in a blink of an eye…a whole year will go by like that. Enjoy those relationships with the people you love. Enjoy those time with friends. Take it all in. One day some of it won’t be there.

Bring on the rain..

Not everything is perfect. Not everything will go the way you want it to. You wont get everything you want and sometimes barely enough of the stuff you need. You will fail. You will hurt. But if you understand that nothing is perfect, that if things go another way then you wanted then maybe it was for a good reason, getting your needs and not your wants will teach you something, your failure will add to your success and your hurt will give you a reason to be happy. Love life. Live life. Dont try to learn life, just enjoy. Take in those moments you cant put into words. Take pictures to capture the memories you never wanna forget. Learn from your mistakes. Always know that in the end, everything will be okay. Cry and laugh. Take in the sun and dance in the rain. Get angry and upset, show that your alive. Go into something hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Enjoy every moment because in a moment everything can change.

The Marshburn Family..

Whats going on in our house? Sports, sports and more sports! David is playing Soccer and Football and excelling in it in every aspect. He loves Football more than Soccer but thats not my first choice. The idea of Bubba putting on some pads and being ran over and hit, not my idea of what I want him doing. Beth is cheering for Pender United. It is taking her some getting use to. I would rather her be cheering for her school. Thats why my next project [with Allyson and Brandi] is to get Cape Fear's cheerleading up to pace and worth being called a sport... I will keep you updated when that begins its course. Now other than sports there is another topic on every ones mind..SCHOOL. It will be Beth's 7th grade year, David's 2nd grade year and my sophomore year. Im hoping this year goes smooth for them and they keep getting better and better. Chris [the boyfriend], is graduating this year! Im proud of him already and the year hasn't even started. There are so many big plans for this year and im pretty excited about it all beginning. For now, I need to finish the summer reading.
So I leave you with this..enjoy those summer sports leading into the school year and go into the school year with a positive mind..doing all of this with God in your heart.

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose."

VBS [the three year old version]

This week there was one thing that excited me more than anything, Bible School at Riley's Creek. Last year I hung out with my mom and the older kids doing what I had always done when I was a kid but this year it was different. When I found out that I had preschool [the three year olds] I was a little disappointed. The first night being hectic made it worse. But the one thing that got me through that night was my babies little faces. The second night, I went in with a great attitude.. that it was going to be a wonderful night. And with that, it was. Yeah it was loud and out of control at times but that was okay because they were learning and they were having fun. If you sit back and watch these little works of God, you get to see incredible things. The things they say and do..it amazes me.
[JAY] This little guy, he just brings smiles to my face. I babysit Jay when his parents need a night out [which they should have more often] and its not even like a job, but just a really fun night. So when he walked in the first night, I was nothing but excited to see him. [going off topic for a minute] The other night when I was watching him, I unfortunately had to put him to bed. This task was not easy. I would put him down and go in the living room and seconds later I would hear little feet come running in. I repeated this about three times when I decided to lay down with him. So Michael [his brother], Jay and I all laid in Jay's bed. I asked Jay what was wrong and he told me he was scared of the dark. I then told him that even if it was dark, Jesus could still see him and his angels were protecting him. His reply, "but I cant see him Ms. Kristin". So Michael and I explained how you could feel Jesus in your heart and thats how you knew he was there. We all had a very interesting conversation, that excited me to no end. After that, Jay fell asleep. [okay back to bible school] I also used this in Bible School when Jay told me he couldn't sing, I told him that no matter how he sounded that Jesus loved his voice and wanted him to sound like that. After that, he sang every song. Too cute. He has this adorable little way of calling me Ms. Kristin. It warms my heart every time I hear it. He can be very active and keep me on my feet but never for a second am I bored or not enjoying his company.
[FAITH] Adorable is really the word I use to describe Ms. Faith. She is just like me when I was little, bright blonde hair and very girly [which is a great thing]. She never failed to listen to me, which was a plus. She always attempted to dance and sing. Overall, she was a leader for our group. When the group was asked a question they would stare and have no idea what to say but Faith always had a reply, a logical one too. She is very mature for her age. I felt like she didn't even need to be in with the three year olds. She absolutely did not want to get dirty..making hand prints with paint was out of the question. I thought that was cute. She always wanted to sit in my lap and that really made me happy. Her and Jay always seemed to have a leg. Faith is a little girl with a lot of ambition and with Jesus in her heart. I think she is gonna become a fine young woman.
[WADE] This little man is the cutest thing. He is Allyson's little buddy. He was so unique because he knew how to interact but listen as soon as he was told. He was closer to us than any other kid in the room, and I guess that could be a good thing? Very well behaved and adorable. He can be shy at times, but cant we all?
[CARSON] This guy has style. [thanks to his mommy of course] He was also well behaved and a quiet little thing. His smile was the greatest. He interacted very well. The cutest thing was when his face would light up for his momma when she walked by. But the greater thing, is that she could keep walking without him making a fuss. He was just lovely. (:
[CHEYENNE] This child has her own little cute attitude. She knows she can accomplish anything she puts her mind to and thats a great quality. Sometimes she could be hard headed and not listen but when you sat back and watched..she knew every motion and word to each song. That meant something.
[HAYDEN] His name is the greatest. This little fellow was scared of everyone. He was so quiet and shy but when he talked it brought a smile to my face. He was extra careful about when he needed to potty, TMI? Sorry, haha. To cute and well behaved.
Through the week I learned so much and shared great experiences with these little ones. Its gonna be fun watching the ones I attend church with grow up. Another thing I loved..My best friend, Allyson. She has never really been a huge fan of kids..but with these, it was amazing. She was great with them, especially Wade. I loved that. We always share the best experiences together and im glad our church life is one of them. My wonderful boyfriend [chris] told me that I was great with kids, he could tell by watching me. That has always been a trait I have obtained. Being a second mom to Beth and David had a lot to do with it. I loved this week, enjoyed it so much. I cant wait to next year.
Oh and one more thing..my favorite Bible School will always be two of them..the one the year I was eight and last years when two of the people closest to my heart [Allyson and Jessica] came to Jesus. That moment was one no one can beat. <3
So I leave you with this, enjoy those little ones..they make a huge difference if you set back and watch. Don't rush time away. And volunteer for VBS, it wont completely kill you and you will have a good time.

Traditions, A old couple and Sacrifice.

"The smallest things in life, make the biggest difference."
I believe every little girl needs a man to show her love and teach her those little things in life. That for me was my daddy. See daddy taught me 2+2 and how to tie my shoes. Those all being things that I have built on since day one to be able to accomplish the things I have today. But what he hasn't realized is that he has taught me a whole other factor of life. How the little things matter most. One of my my most important things he does is our goodnight saying...[go ahead and laugh, im very proud of this] "Goodnight. Sleep tight. Dont let the bed bugs bite. And if they do..?" And we always reply.."Bite em' back!" After almost ten years of that, never once has it gotten old. Its very special to me and something that I will never forget about my childhood. My closest friends even say it when they stay the night. Another tradition.. My mom always takes me out for dinner, just her and I. Its always a great time and we enjoy it a lot. Now as you know, mother and I are both small. We don't fit that much into our tummies. So we always have left overs and they get put in the box for the big man at home [daddy]. While mom pays the check, I ALWAYS grab a pen and write a note to dad on the box. I don't know if he has ever noticed but to me it is very satisfying. Anyways, those were just little pieces of my childhood, that excite me to no end.


On to my next topic...The old couple.
So I was sitting in Urgent Care today [ i wont mention the fact that those people do not comprehend that urgent does not mean hours later] and there was this cute little lady and her husband. They had been sitting there for a long long time. She got cold and needed to go to the car for a minute. She asked for the keys. [we were in a not so good part of town] He got up and helped her up and gave her the keys. She repeatedly said "Hunny you can go sit back down." Well he just kept walking. He opened the door for her then we she turned he went to get water long enough so she wouldn't notice he was watching but stood there at the door, making sure she was okay. That to me was love. The way he looked at her was a undescriable look. Something every girl dreams of. I had always been scared that when you get married the little things will stop, well they are living proof that those little things keep coming and coming from the right person. His relationship is what I strive for in life.


On Wednesday in youth..my lovely youth pastor, Brock, discussed the story of Abraham having to sacrifice his son [which by the way is now my favorite story] but this story was just so eye opening. He asked us to think about someone we would have to sacrifice and wether or not we could do it. I answered that question in my head but then that opened a whole different point to my thinking. I have had to sacrifice a lot this past week and figure out what to give up and what not to give up. Wether it be my family, friends or anything else. There were a few roads that I could take and no matter how I took them, someone would be hurt and I would sacrifice something. I always try to please people and I care way to much, thats why this situation did no justice for me. None at all. I am always about pleasing people and I finally realized that all I need to please is God and myself. I had a friend close to my heart help me out with a situation last week that was not easy, tell me the most helpful things and use so much logic about it all. Thats why when he asked me what I liked about him..I said your logic. I have grown to care so much for this guy this past year and I thank him for being here. Im also sorry, if you reading this..im sorry. See this guy didn't care about himself or others but when he spoke, he put me first. That mattered a lot. This person is a example of the kinds of friends you need. The people you never need to let go of. And you, you will forever be in my life. Thanks for putting up with my confusion and irritating side and thank you for understanding and accepting. I love you.


So I leave you this..if your a parent, give your child those smallest things to remember and if your a child, always remember those. Remember the older couple when your love life gets hard. And remember decisions are apart of your life, you cant run from them so make them by listening to the ones you love and more importantly by listening to God. Always have that one friend who can take that place in your heart. And do all of this, all of this with God in your heart.

Miscellaneous Monday.

So every Monday, I am gonna do a list of random things. I have always been one of the most random people so this works well for me.
A lot of bloggers do this but I have to give credit to Mrs. Bethany Tharpe because I first saw it on her page and found it to be a very good idea.

1. I have this absolute huge obsession with watching this show that my mom use to watch when she was my age, Beverly Hills 90210. It is so interesting to me and I just cant get enough of it.

2. I am crazy about the beach. My mammy has a pool and people always ask me why I love to go to the beach when I have a sand free water access in the back yard? There is just something about the sand in my toes and the waves crashing on me. I find it amazing.

3. Another thing that excites me...the wind in my hair and the music turned way up. I was riding back from the Beach with Brandi, Jessica, Alex and Kasey..We had the radio turned way up and the windows down and that to me is a moment that I could just keep reliving.

4. So around here my mom has always made a big deal about our birthdays. It really is a celebration. I enjoy it lots. But then I realized that my dads birthday passed and like nothing happened. That upset me. The older I get, will the birthdays become less fun?

5. Twins. So I really wanna have twins. I have logic to go along with this. Besides matching outfits and adorable hairstyles..they will always have a best friend. They will have someone to experience every first step into life..that to me is just a great thing.

6. Our lives have recently been hectic with a lot of trips away from home and things. I have been missing church the past few Wednesdays and I hate that. It makes me feel like my whole week is out of place.

7. The Jungle Rapids Water Park. So I really wanna go..but it is so expensive! Like $34 something and I mean if our whole family went, that would be a ridiculous amount of money! So I think they should reduce their prices. (:

8. I have a crazy love for brussel sprouts. Is that weird? I even steal them off my dads plate when normal people would be sneaking them on his plate. Anything green im crazy for.

9. Im a bad procrastinator. When school is in, I love to do work and be organized with my timing and things. But when it comes to my summer reading..I never wanna do it. I should probably work on that..

10. I want my mom to have another child. I held Brandi's nephew a lot this weekend and I just loved him. The way baby clothes look are to cute and I just love them. Having a child will not be on my agenda for a LONG time. So why not my wonderful mommy who has played that role very well for her other three kids? (:

The start of something new.

I have often asked myself how long it would be before I start to forget my little kid memories. When I learned to ride a bike or when daddy taught me how to swim. Or even when mom worked her butt off to get me a Easy Bake Oven that I used only once or twice. Then I questioned wether or not we have enough pictures of the family to look back on. So instead of spending all my time thinking about things; I decided to take care of them myself. With blogging about day to day things and posting pictures, I will always have something to look back on..our family will. That brings to the point of my first blog, growing up. When I was younger I would constantly say, "I cant wait to drive and get away from the house and be on my own." I couldn't have been more wrong with those words. Now I wanna run back to barbie doll and dress up clothes. Instead of dealing with running my barbie jeep into a ditch, I have to worry about running a car into another car. Instead of worrying about when I was gonna see my best friend these days I have to worry about how long im gonna have my best friend. As I have grown older I have had to deal with the realities of life and the horrible reality of death.And through all of this I know that I haven't even gotten close to the difficulties of life. These days the thought of being away from mommy and daddy in a college all by myself scares me. The thought of getting into a car behind the wheel scares me. Change scares me. And through all of this, it has brought me to realize bigger issues for me. Not only am I growing up but my baby sister and my baby brother are too. How much longer will my sister not wear make up? How long will my Bubba call me Bubba? It seems like just yesterday Bubba was born and Beth was losing her first tooth. I have grown up being motherly towards my siblings, therefore them furthering in life just scares the mess out of me. What happens when Beth is on her own? Or Bubba goes to High School without me? I never realized what my parents go through everyday. I just wanna lock Beth and Bubba in a box and keep them there. [I know that sounds creepy, not meant that way.] I don't Beth to have to deal with the pain of her first heartbreak. I don't want Bubba to have his first girlfriend. But then that brings me to realizing..that this is life. Its reality and its all gonna happen. So I need to enjoy it and make the most of it. Thats why I am blogging, to keep every important moment I can and to remember everything. So I leave you with this, take your time and enjoy every second you have. Love without holding back, jump into things that scare the crap out of you, laugh until you cry and cry until you feel better. And most importantly do all of this, with God in your heart. Making every moment for him.